Unavailable inheritance...
Hell week is not over. The Mistress of Torture is coming back X 2. Gee, I'm so looking forward to that.
David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff has a music CD out? Seriously? Who's gonna pay to hear the Knight Rider sing? The same people that William Hung has gotten rich off of I suppose. I have to admit I was curious. I patiently waited for my dial-up connection to stream his music video only to have an error telling me that service was currently unavailable, "Please try again later." I won't care later.
Ohhh... I read good news. Minimum wage is set (still has to go through the Senate) to increase to $7.25 within the next three years, that's more than $2.00. Democrats are opposed to the idea because it is coupled with an inheritance tax cut, saying "Just think of what it is to have a bill that says to minimum wage workers 'We'll raise your minimum wage but only if we can give an estate tax cut to the 7,500 wealthiest families in America.' " Hell, I don't give a shit if they give tax breaks to Bill fucking Gates from now till doomsday, they're gonna find a way to do it one way or another. Might as well
'show me the money' while they're at it! Now, if minimum wage increases doesn't that mean that most employers should increase the rate of pay for employees paid above minimum wage? I believe so, yes. Will it happen at Cypress Home Care? I don't know, but I hope so. Hell, I'm already spending that extra money. I spend it once a week at the gas pumps. Shouldn't getting screwed be a private thing? Instead, we consumers are forced to smile and wave to each other in broad daylight while taking it up the ass. Ain't life grand?
Secret cramps...
Hell week is almost over. I hope. I'll share one amusing little story to come out of it, old people are so cute. Each of our patients is to have a "home folder," a little packet with information related to their diagnosis and the medications they take, agency contact information, etc. When the Mistress of Torture informed us, the lowly peasants, that she would be making the rounds with some of our nurses, the panic level jumped up a degree. I mean, come on really. Are these senior citizens really concerned with their "home folder"? No. In fact, I would say about 50% of our patients threw them away. About 10 people were dispatched on the downlow to visit these elderly patients and update/replace their home folders. Some patients were gracious about it, some were not so gracious, and some were downright rude. But the task was accomplished, the covert operation completed; all the patients were updated before the Mistress of Torture descended. The following day, one of our nurses had to phone one of the patients called upon by the surveyor. The nurse indulged the little old woman in conversation about the visit and the surveyor.
"Do you know that lady asked for the folder y'all brought me the other day," she says. "
Well I told her y'all did good, y'all got it here just in time." She didn't know it was supposed to be a secret, ya can't get mad at her!
Okay, I'm sure you've heard. The big "secret" is out. Lance Bass from N'Sync is gay. Who cares? Really.
I want it to rain. Rain all damn weekend, with storms. Not violent storms, just thunder, lightning, a little wind. The mood is right for storms.
I'm tired. I need a nap. It's only 9:30. I'm moody. I have cramps. I'm hungry. My back hurts. I hate PMS. I'm going to do work now.
Mellifluous sashaying peasants...
No epiphanies yet, in case you were wondering.
Today has been the longest day ever. The State surveyor camped out at our office all day today, causing administration to freak out, in turn freaking out everyone else. It's so tense and exhausting having to go through the process, making sure the right reports are done and paperwork is complete. And I'm only working class folk, I don't want to imagine how higher level administration must feel. I wonder if that woman knows what her presence does to people. Probably. It's probably the only perk to her job, striking the fear of God into the minds of the meager peasants she tortures. She's gonna be there all week. Sigh.
I truly believe the cat's gone crazy. She's torn up a roll of toilet paper, I mean shredded it to bits. When she sashays into the living room looking all innocent I know she's just finished one of her evil capers. I've lost her fishing pole toy. I don't know how you lose something like that, but I've managed it. She loves that thing and it expends some of her energy. I've got to find it!
Rooooo, roooooooooo, ruff, ruff, rooooooooooooooo!!! A piece of grass twitched, setting off the mellifluous tone of Dottie's bark. Therefore she sleeps inside. She's afraid of thunder, terrified actually. She was already on edge with the bit of rumbling going on, but I thought she was going to hit the roof the other night when a clap of thunder hit so loud I thought for sure lightning had hit the tree outside my window. It's a little amusing, but I did feel sorry for her. There she goes again, I'd better let her noisy ass in. I need to hit the hay myself. Good night, and good luck.
Mere Existence...
Today, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I miss being married, not so much the man himself but the feeling of being loved, being protected; the feeling of being capable to face life and be on my own, but knowing I didn't have to do it all by myself. Most days I like my solitude, nobody elses mess to clean up, nobody else to worry about cooking for, doing laundry for. But right now I'm longing for companionship, probably because it's not available to me. I miss being able to enjoy a hug whenever I wanted, I miss someone to laugh with. I miss planning things for our future together, being able to look at the future and see someone standing beside me.
Maybe I'm feeling a little imprisoned because not only am I trapped here because I'm taking it up the ass from the oil industry, but I'm also getting stuffed by the lovely neighbors next door who have blocked off my driveway with a big ass piece of equipment that should have already been repossessed. I'm left with 1) Call the police department and make a big stink which in the end will have accomplished nothing but to piss off the people I would just much rather not have to deal with period, or 2) Sit here and take it up the ass.
I'm going to suck it up and just go enjoy the pool before it rains (cross your fingers). I will relax and float and play basketball with myself, and have more of my angst-ridden introspective meditation. Maybe I will discover an epiphany somewhere in the cob-webbed corners of my psyche. I'll let you know.
His penis is so... beautiful... I just want to knit it a hat...
Isn't that quote, from the movie
Prime, the greatest line ever?! I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants. This movie has some great lines about religion, culture and dating in general. For instance, this kid brings home an African American young lady to meet his Boubie (grandma). The 80-something-year-old classically Jewish woman looks the girl up and down, shifts her eyes to her grandson, and says in an accent straight from the bronx, "Is she black?" It was great. You should catch it if you enjoy those cheesy chickflick movies.
So, I'm spending the weekend at home, too broke to even start my car and drive around the block. Being poor sucks. Really sucks. I've got to step up my game to marry that rich man I've been talking about. In the meantime, I suppose I'll suck it up and enjoy the time off from work.
In an effort to pass the time, I did my nails today. I don't know why I've put it off for so long. I always enjoy them once I get them on there. They're a pretty flourescent pink today, but I don't care how careful I am I always manage to knick at least one. I'm now sporting a nice knife imprint on my left index finger which I managed to get while chopping the bell pepper for the delicious homemade pizza I threw together today. I'll redo it tomorrow, give me something to do other than watch movies all damn day. I could clean the house I guess, but really, what's the likelyhood of that happing?
The Standoff...
Originally Posted Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The cat and the dog sat in stoney silence, regarding each other with disdain, neither willing to give an inch. You can hear the gunfight soundtrack used in old western films, almost see the tubleweed rolling in the dust-clogged stretch of space between the two sworn enemies. There's a slight twitch of a tail, a narrowing of the eyes. The attack is imminent. Without warning, the cat abruptly relaxes and closes her eyes, the dog flops over onto her side with a sigh. The tension in the air dissipates. There would be no fight tonight.
Rather anticlimactic don't you think? That's what I thought, watching the whole episode take place. I was ready and waiting with a fly-swatter to take their territorial butts down a peg or two. Didn't happen though. They must have had an unspoken agreement to have their little tiff when I wasn't prepared. The cat just doesn't like Piper, or any dog for that matter, yet. I say yet, because she's just gonna have to get used to them. They ain't goin' anywhere. She'll figure that out soon enough I suppose. But in the meantime, Piper just can't keep her nose out of the cat's business. She's always gotta see what she's doing, where's she at, what's she eatin'. I guess she'll learn too, when Jazzy gets off a good swing with her Freddy Kruger claws extended. So, that was my excitement for the day yesterday. Don't you wish you lived in my fun-filled world? The skies are always sunny and the music never stops here. The straightjackets are always a nice, bright white too.
Diary of a Happy White Woman...
Originally Posted Tuesday, July 11, 2006
The weekend was way too short.
Friday night, Tina and I went out to the local hot spot. (Local hot spot = Wal Mart) We got a few groceries and Tina bought the stuff for the weekend, stuff for hamburgers AND a toy for the pool. That was nice of her! By the time I got home, I was a mite tired . So my big Friday night consisted of the local hot spot and playing with my kitty. Wait, that sounded a little dirty. I meant that I played with Jazzy. My kitty is Jazzy.
Saturday started out early for me. For some reason I was awake before 8 o'clock. Which sucks. What happened to the days of being able to sleep until noon. Damn, I must be getting old. Anyways, since I was up I decided to be constructive with my time. I mowed the front half of the back yard (because that's all the gas I had). So, at least the area around the pool is mowed. I did a load of dishes, swept the kitchen and the guest bath, vacuumed the living room, Windexed the living room windows and screen door, dusted around stuff because I just didn't really want to put forth the effort to move it. So, by this time it's around 11. I sat on my ass for about half an hour and then got up and cooked lunch. I made a "homemade" pizza. (Homemade = not frozen and not Pizza Inn, more like Chef Boy R Dee's Pizza in a Box). That shit is the bomb. It was damn good if I do say so myself. Now, you don't get that right out of the box, you have to doctor it up some. So, it really is more homemade than not. Once my belly is full, the pool begins to beckon. Taaaaaaanyaaaa, cooooommmmeeee swwwiiiimmmmm iiinnnn meeeee. So, being the mostly obliging person that I am, I heeded the call. I slathered on some suntanning oil and hit the floatie. Surprisingly, I didn't slide right off. I actually managed to keep my grip on the float and sunned myself like there was no tomorrow. After laying there a while having no one to talk to but the dogs and the locusts, I begin to wonder where my partners in crime are. As I'm calling one, the other walks up. Finally, a human. So we swim around a while and chat. Then, the monster walks up. (Monster = Rylie) Fresh from her visit with Mr. Chuck E. Cheese himself, she convices her Mom to run her home for her bathing suit. I told her to swim naked, but she was having none of that. As they were leaving OleTinner finally made her appearance. Yay! Everyone was there. And Tina brought the toy! We enjoyed the rest of the day paddling around and shooting hoops and tossing rings. Rylie won of course, she changes the rules so she ALWAYS wins. Wouldn't it be nice if that were the way life really were? Ok, it's suppertime now. We grilled hamburgers on OleAnners handy dandy little grill and watched Big Momma's House Part 2. All in all, it was a pretty damn good day.
Sunday was pretty much like Saturday, only Tina wasn't there, Felice was, and I had country fried potatoes for lunch and homemade pizza for dinner. (That pizza is damn good). And watched Barber Shop and Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
Not a bad way to spend a weekend if you ask me. I'm looking forward to several more of these weekends before summer is over. If you're reading this, you're invited! Bring a Coke, a bag of chips and we'll hang. You know you want to.
The Menagarie...
Originally Posted Friday, July 07, 2006
It's the beginning of July. Half the year is over. Where did it go? I certainly have no idea. But I can tell you that I'm enjoying my time right now. The only person I am responsible for right now is myself, and of course my menagarie of 'children'. And it's a sorted lot they are, my babies. I've just added a new one to the mix, Miss Jazzy the kitty. She resembles my old cat Joe, only with long hair. I'll post a picture of her soon. And since the crackheads have left Dottie alone and I now claim her as my own and DARE anyone to challenge that, I'll post a pic of her as well.
So we're having a little get together at my house tomorrow. Nothing big, just me, Tina, OleAnner and Rylie. Gonna do a little swimming, floating, eating and drinking. Sounds like a good day doesn't it? I can't wait! I sure wish I had a back deck, but we'll have fun anyways. A little bon fire pit would be nice. Maybe I can set up something make shift and we can do this again in the fall when a fire would be really nice. So, if anyone has some rocks they'd like to donate, feel free.
I suppose I've rambled enough, I'd better get to work. The more I work, the faster 4 o'clock will get here!
Summer is cool...
Originally Posted Monday, June 19, 2006
...when you have a pool! And thanks to my friend/sister-in-law, whatever you want to call her, OleAnner, I do! Well, sort of. It's in my backyard anyways. She actually bought it for my niece, but didn't really have a place in her yard to put it. And I'm like the obnoxious kid in class that raises their hand and stands halfway in their seat saying pick me, pick me, only it's more like, "I have the perfect spot in my backyard for a pool OleAnner! You can put it in my yard! Pick me, PICK ME!!!!" So, we now have a pool. And it's great!!! I love to swim and now I can EVERY DAY! I can float and get a tan, play ball, catch Rylie when she jumps on top of me, drown Rylie because she jumps on top of me, throw Rylie across the pool and piss her off. It's great. I can't wait to get off work today and go jump in! I can already feel the crisp, cool, refreshing water and smell the pungent clean scent of chlorine. It's the summertime perfume! Wooooooo hooo!
Uhhhhh...
Originally Posted Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Well, I don't really have anything to say, but I thought it was about time I posted another blog. Let's see, what have I done lately. Since my birthday I've gone shopping with Tina and eaten at Outback (freakin YUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM), went with Torie to see Pittsburg High School's production of Grease, I've mowed the front yard, gone to see Rylie's Cheernastics recital (which was really good, by the way), gone to work, set a goal to clean my kitchen of which I came up sadly short, paid a couple of bills, had two flat tires (at once), spent money I didn't have on two 'new' tires, renewed my Nail Tech license (also with money I didn't have), renewed some old friendships online and made some new ones, spent time with my HI-larrious niece, hoed around in the garden, and several other mundane, daily-existence, routine things. So, now you know. Aren't you lucky?
The Greatest Work Family on Earth...
Originally Posted Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Okay, so yesterday was my birthday. I get up in the morning, late as usual, and get ready for work. I actually put makeup on that morning so I could have a semi-decent picture when I went to renew my driver's license. I drive to work and arrive a couple (a couple is good for me, btw) of minutes late. When I walk in the door of my office, I see balloons and ribbon everywhere and hear "Happy Birthday!!!" It was completely unexpected and totally made my whole day. They gave me a pinata so I'd have something to beat the shit out of and made and decorated a cake. I love these guys!! They are so awesome to do all that for me! I had a great birthday thanks to these guys and my friends. Thanks to ALL of you!!! I love you!
Here's a link to the office pics...
http://photos.yahoo.com/tanyamoniq
Disconnected...
Originally Posted Monday, April 17, 2006Okay, since I live in "da backwoods" when my phone goes out I am soooooooo totally disconnected. I have no house phone, no internet and I'll be damned if I get not one bar of signal on the cell. What did people do before the age of cell phones, text messaging, internet, e-mail, and I-Pods?! I was starting to go a little stir crazy here, even though there's plenty of other things I could do; clean the house, watch the zillion soaps I have Tivo'd, go for a walk, work in the garden and so on and so forth. I KNOW people got along just fine without all that stuff and I suppose I would have gotten along just fine if it'd never gotten fixed. But I'm sooooooooo glad to have my internet back. I'm sure you are too because if I hadn't gotten it back you wouldn't be able to read this!! Okay, now guess how long the phone lines were down... that's right... all of about 5 hours. Yes, I know. I live a very sad life. But hey, my doggies love me. And there's nothing better than doggie love. Um, that didn't really sound right. But, you guys know what I mean. Right? You do, don't you? Is this philosophical and witty enough for you?! Yeah, I can spell a big word. Just because I went to PHS doesn't mean I can't spell big words. It has nothing to do with the "Good Word" I get in my email everyday. I'm just THAT smart. With that said, I, Tanya Monique Warfield Janway, abdicate any responsibility for injuries you may inflict upon yourself while laughing your ass off after reading the previous sentence. If you are unable to cease laughing, call 911. While they may ignore your cry for help, at least your family will have a solid basis for a lawsuit in the event of your untimely death. May you rest in peace.
On the Inside Looking Out...
Originally Posted Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The sun is shining, the grass is green... it's a beautiful day outside.... AND I'M STUCK IN HERE!!! Yesterday, weather.com was showing rain for the next 13 days (including yesterday) and we still haven't gotten a drop yet. I hope it DOESN'T come, at least not so much at once. Don't get me wrong, I like a good rainy day. Lately though, I've really enjoyed spending time outside, doing little things at a time to make my yard look better. Besides, the rain makes the damn grass grow! I've got these stupid trees though in my back yard flower beds and those bastards are hard to get out. I don't know how I'm gonna get them outta there. It's like, once they take root those roots make a beeline straight for China! I still haven't decided exactly what I want to put in there. Probably nothing this year. I can't afford anything! There are several things I'd like to try, but on my budget I'll have to do a little (very little) bit at a time. I'm trying now to root some cuttings off of a rose bush I got at my friend Tina's house. We'll see if any of those turn out. My bushes at home are barely starting to leaf out now. I sure wish they'd hurry up!!! I'm ready to see some pretty flowers! I did see a bud on the climbing rose, so maybe it won't be too much longer! The tomato plants are starting to grow!! At least the ones in the sun are. We decided today though to move the others away from the shade of the house. Hopefully we can still salvage those plants.
So, this weekend I'm babysitting (or dogsitting rather). I'm going to have 5 weenie dogs in all. It's going to be a real circus. I love the little boogers though. Yes, even Duke. The ornery little bastard. But this is another reason I would appreciate the rain to stay away. The kitchen floor looks bad enough when there are two sets of muddy weenie tracks, can you imagine FIVE sets?! I already know Piper's gonna be a little bitch... she doesn't like to share her space, so I'm going to be putting up with her attitude all weekend, along with Duke's. Fun times, fun times. I do wonder why I said yes. Oh well, I guess it's 'cause I'm so sweet!
All the Noises in My Head...
Originally Posted Thursday, March 09, 2006
Ok, so I'm sitting at work today and I noticed Sheri looking at me sideways a couple of times. I'm wondering what the hell is going on, do I have a booger or something? And then I noticed. I'm humming a damn Christmas song. "I don't want a lot for Christmas..." by Mariah Carey. Where that song came from, I couldn't tell ya. I could NOT get that song out of my head.
Now I'm home, fresh from watching American Idol. And now the noises in my head are yelling at the rest of America. How can Ayla be sent home? I didn't want Melissa to go either, but I think I'd rather have kept Ayla. Or maybe even have sent Paris home. She's rather annoying. The same with the guys, why is Kevin still there? He can sing, but Gideon was waaaaaaaaaaaaay better. And let's face it, Kevin's no Clay. I hate it when the decision gets so hard. Can't somebody just consistently screw up each episode? That would make it so much easier.
So, I hoed again today. This time in the flower bed. It seems like no matter how many weeds I pick out of there, there are a thousand more. I think I'm going to try to get about three more rose bushes. If I can afford them. I got some elephant ear plants to put out there. They take little to no effort and are a pretty green and one plant can take up a pretty large space. So, I'm going to try that out and see how it goes. I might skip on the roses for this year, maybe just buy one for the end. My yard was sadly neglected like the rest of my life last summer. I'm going to try to do better this year. Layaway is a miracle.
Mr. McGregor's Garden...
Originally Posted Wednesday, March 08, 2006If anyone's ever read any of Beatrix Potter's stories of Peter Rabbit and the like, then you know about Mr. McGregor's garden. This year (oh my achin' back already) I'm going to be Mr. McGregor. I'm not going to like set traps and chase rabbits or anything, but I am going to plant a garden. With some help.
At first, I was just going to plant some tomatoes. From there it's sort of taken on a life of it's own. Now it's going to be peas, green beans, bell pepper, onion and tomatoes. Oh, and maybe broccoli in the fall. I guess that's not much considering all that Mr. McGregor had to offer. But it's A LOT for a newbie like myself. I began hoeing a small place for the tomatoes a couple of days ago and only got the perimeter done before I collapsed from sheer exhaustion. Thank God for the miracle invention of a tiller. I, myself, don't have one. But my sister-in-law does and has offered to share, the tiller and the responsibility. Hence the growth of the garden. She's got the peas and green beans and I've got the onion and tomatoes, and we're sharing the bell peppers. I certainly hope there's enough room in my yard.
And another upside to all the rewards we'll get is that there will be that much less to mow. Yipee!!! I really don't mind mowing too much. It's only the damn ants that piss me off. In MY yard, I don't know about yours, but it seems like you take two steps and you're in another ant mound. Stupid poison only makes them stronger I think. Those little bastards hurt!
I'm actually really excited about it. So, it's going to be hard work and a commitment. I know that. I NEED a little hard work. Maybe I'll lose some weight. Hey, you never know. Miracles do happen.
That Evil Little Smiley Scares Me...
Originally Posted Monday, February 27, 2006I just have these random thoughts. But I'm mentally sound, I promise.
I have good intentions to post a new blog everyday, but my life just isn't that interesting and I'm not an inventive enough writer to be able to make things up. I could write about my dogs. It seems like I never have enough to say about them. But, I think that would make me look like a crazy dog lady. I don't want to be the crazy dog lady on the block.
I want a pedicure. I'm tired of being the one to give all the pedicures. I want to be pampered too. My funky toe that stupid bitch ground her heel into is finally started to look somewhat normal again. It's not black anymore. That's an improvement. My toes look better than they have in a while. I painted and filed them the other day. They match my tattoo! But I need someone to do that FOR me.
I hurt my arm the other day when we got all the freezing rain and I thought I'd speed skate onto my porch. It still hurts today. I don't think it's broken though. I hope not because I've been using the heck out of it. That wouldn't be good for a broken arm.
I made lasagna this weekend. It sure was yummy. I'll be having leftovers for days. My friends abandoned me. But that's okay. I guess they had good reasons. My niece helped me eat it. Well, a little of it. She's so little, she can't hold that much. At least not that much at a time. Give her an hour and you'll hear "I'm hungry." AND she cheats at cards, at Go Fish if you can imagine. But I love the little monkey.
This CD I burned is weird. I've got Kelly Clarkson, followed by Sara McLachlan, Josh Groban, Billie Holliday, Etta James, Nat King Cole and Christina Aguilera. But they're all songs I like, so I guess it doesn't matter if it's a weird mix or not. Hell, I'm weird.
My Bologna Has a First Name...
Originally posted Friday, January 20, 2006I got a haircut today! Whew... It was about time! I don't think she got it short enough this time. But I was so concerned about it being too short, I didn't say anything. It's alright.
I'm going to see my friend Brandi tomorrow! Yay! We're gonna hang out and watch movies all day. I can't wait. I miss Brandi soooooo much....since she abondoned me! Before I head to Brandi's, I'm gonna run to the salon and play around with their new virtual imaging software some more. For anybody that doesn't know what that is, it's a computer program that allows you to scan in or download a photo from a digital camera and "try on" different hairstyles. It's really cool and some of the styles are hillarious on different people. You can also try on different colors of makeup to see how you'd look. It's crazy!! So if you've ever wondered what you look like with different hair, come on in... OR if you have some extra cash and need a laugh we can find you a wacky hairstyle and give you some bright blue eyeshadow... get you all hookerfied!! OMG... we need to get some guys in there!! Now THAT would hysterical!
