Life or Something Like It

Mere Existence...

Today, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I miss being married, not so much the man himself but the feeling of being loved, being protected; the feeling of being capable to face life and be on my own, but knowing I didn't have to do it all by myself. Most days I like my solitude, nobody elses mess to clean up, nobody else to worry about cooking for, doing laundry for. But right now I'm longing for companionship, probably because it's not available to me. I miss being able to enjoy a hug whenever I wanted, I miss someone to laugh with. I miss planning things for our future together, being able to look at the future and see someone standing beside me.

Maybe I'm feeling a little imprisoned because not only am I trapped here because I'm taking it up the ass from the oil industry, but I'm also getting stuffed by the lovely neighbors next door who have blocked off my driveway with a big ass piece of equipment that should have already been repossessed. I'm left with 1) Call the police department and make a big stink which in the end will have accomplished nothing but to piss off the people I would just much rather not have to deal with period, or 2) Sit here and take it up the ass.

I'm going to suck it up and just go enjoy the pool before it rains (cross your fingers). I will relax and float and play basketball with myself, and have more of my angst-ridden introspective meditation. Maybe I will discover an epiphany somewhere in the cob-webbed corners of my psyche. I'll let you know.

posted by tanyamoniq @ Sunday, July 23, 2006