Life or Something Like It

Sleep deprivation does not agree with me. When I am without sleep I
tend to get ill-tempered, edgy, impatient, etc. With that said, I still
have more patience than the two people with whom I am currently
residing. Henceforth, the Xanax is dispensed to my two patients quite
regularly. Which I find strangely ironic (those of you who know the
situation should understand what I mean). But I suppose NEEDING it and
abusing it are two different animals.

Did you know exhaustion causes one to stare blankly into space, sort of like sleeping with your eyes open?

Did you know that the sound of a rattle being shaken can send a person in search of the nearest psychiatric ward to fend of insanity? I hear that
stupid rattle in my ears everywhere I go.

Did you know that flaming bacon grease coupled with human skin causes blisters?

Did you know that computer software was invented to promote the liquor industry? It's a well-kept secret. But, I'm on to them.

Did you know that several cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other are much heavier than they look?

Just a day in the life...

stochastic - sto·chas·tic

adjective

being or having a random variable; "a stochastic variable"; "stochastic processes"



Is it weird to like old popcorn? Like I popped it yesterday and ate the
rest of it today, old. That's okay if it is. I'm, well let's say
different. For instance, I just poured water all down my shirt because
I missed my mouth. Sigh. Sometimes I don't even have the patience to
stand myself.



Have I mentioned today that calories suck!? 930 for a freaking sandwich. Ok, I'm done now.



Haven't posted an Overheard in a while, I think it's time for one.



"Overheard in New York" Quote of the Day

(Asian guy cuts in front of black guy in suit and starts peeing into toilet)
Black guy in suit: I was here first.

Asian guy: I have to go more.

Black guy in suit: Move or I am going to piss on your back, motherfucker.

(Black
guy now stands side by side with Asian guy at toilet, both actually
peeing into same toilet while trying to push each other away)

--W 4th Pizza Place, New York City

So, I named my weight today. Scarlett, after the scarlet letter. Scarlett, Queen of thy yonder Fast Food better look out because I'm going to shove that bitch over and steal her crown. I got this silly idea from a post on Calorie Count if anyone is interested in visiting the site. The name is self explanatory, but it's got numerous tools to help you out if you're into that sort of thing; and being a geek, dorkwad and general nerd, I am.

This losing weight thing is hard, dude. It's really hard. Most people think, 'just stop eating so much you lazy slob.' "Eat less, move more," says Dr. Laura. It's just not that simple, at least not for me. Some days are easy, 'nah, I don't need that cookie,' 'no pizza for me, I brought my lunch but thanks,' 'nope I don't want a blizzard today.' Some days are a little more difficult. I'm an emotional eater, so if something terrible happens or I've had a stressful day or somebody cuts me off in traffic or my earrings hang wrong or George Bush fumbles over a speech I tend to say fuck it and head to the nearest million calorie restaurant. And most of them have many more calories in their dishes than you would like to think, not to mention portion sizes. Unless you eat a salad (minus any sort of creamy dressing) it's hard to eat out when you're trying to lose weight. I usually order a la carte, that way I'm not even tempted to eat the things that come with the entree. I like to cook, I just HATE cleaning up the mess in the kitchen afterward. Don't worry, I usually do it before things start to grow arms and legs. Probably the hardest thing for me to cut out is soft drinks. Just two 20 ounce bottles of Coke total nearly 500 calories, that's like a third of the calories you are supposed to consume in an entire day.

Sorry, I didn't really mean to make this into a weight loss post but that's what kind of poured out today. Guess it's on my mind. I usually never know what I'm going to write until my fingers move. Anyway, if anyone cares I'm still at a 35 lb loss. It should start moving down again soon, I've done pretty good this week. I just need to keep a close eye on Miss Scarlett and her sneaky ways.

I'm feeling rather melancholy today. I'm not quite sure why. It could be the gray of the day, although the clouds are a welcome relief from the 100+ temps we've been suffering through lately. It could be that Brett Favre has been traded to the Jets or that the Cowboys lost their preseason opener. It could be that I'm poor and have no hope of ever being not poor (cause those rich guys just aren't materializing). It could be that I'm having trouble getting back into the weight loss game. It could be that I haven't been sleeping very well. It could be that NO ONE HAS SIGNED UP FOR THE HEART WALK!!! Aren't I just a great big ball of unfiltered sunshine? I don't want to be a bitchy blogger. I want to be witty and funny and inspiring. How's that working so far today?

I just put an entire row of staples, intact, into my stapler. Do you know how rare it is for an entire row to remain intact?

In an effort to remain slightly humorous I am going to post something I've had hanging on my bulletin board at work. It's not my work, but I'm at least passing it along. This describes my mood for the past several weeks.